Saturday, March 14, 2015

Dear Chloe

I recently read a beautiful letter and it has inspired me to pen my own as we enter the next chapter of our lives and things inevitably change. This blog will no longer be exclusively about Chloe, it cant be... and so I thought I needed to write a letter to our beautiful first born daughter, explaining why. So here goes…

Dear Chloe,

As I sit here in our lounge room, listening to you helping daddy in the garden of our new home, contemplating just how much our lives are going to change come September. It makes me so blissfully happy, but sad as well. You see, for the last two and a half years, you have always been the light of my life, you have always been the thing that I race home from work to see, to smother with love and kisses, and you have been my most favourite person in the whole wide world. But come September, when your little brother or sister arrives, I won’t be able to say that, because it won’t be fair on them, just as it hasn’t been on your beautiful, understanding father. And as I type this, I am already crying, because for now, I can’t even begin to fathom how I will be able to do that, because so much of who I am centres around my unconditional, unlimited, uncontrollable love for you!

You, my beautiful first born daughter, you. 

You... were the first one who hurled me so unexpectedly into this crazy world of motherhood. The first one who made my heart fill with so much love I felt like it would burst from my chest. You were the first one to hold my pinkie as I stumbled and bumbled my way through the first nappy changes, the first breastfeeds, the first sleepless nights, and all those times of squeezing you into so many ridiculously cute first outfits. You were the first one whose giggle and smile, levelled me and made me hold my breath in awe of just how beautiful you are and  how lucky we are to have you. You, my darling daughter, are the first one who took her first steps in front of us both because deep down, I'm sure your beautiful heart knew we both wanted to be there for such a special milestone. You were the first one who made me cry happy tears each time you held my face, kissed me and told me you loved me lots and lots and lots. And you are the first to hear I love you more than 20 times a day. You were the first one to know what my heart beat sounds like, from the inside.
But our baby is coming, and while you will no longer be our only child, you’ll be the only one to know what it’s like to have my undivided attention, the only one to know what it’s like to have their needs consistently put first, the only one to have known the adventures of our first home and a trip to Japan, Brisbane, Hobart, Melbourne, Maitland, even the shops as our only child. You will be the only one to know what it was like to not have to share their toys, their food, and their mum and dad. So whilst you will no longer be our only child, find comfort in the fact that you will always be our first. Our first newborn, our first infant, our first toddler, our first true love as parents.
So dear daughter, although our lives will change come September, never doubt just how truly loved you are, know that our love for you will remain as constant and as unchanging as the moon. That we will continue to love you to the moon and back and tell you more than 20 times a day. And even when you are no longer our only child and no longer able to reap the benefits of all that, that means, know that we have more than enough love for you both, because our heart now knows no limits to the love we can give, because of you.
You, our beautiful first born daughter, you. 


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